She's Gone

I must apologise for not updating my blog recently, but I had to mark the passing of a great friend. My computer.

I should have known that my pal was on the way out, and I’m left wondering what I could have done better, how I could have given (technical) support, made things easier.

There were signs often enough, like my cursor wobbling, its partner the screen showing random letters instead of the ones I’d actually tried to write, and then me finding I’d transferred one million pounds from my current account to Nigeria and a very nice man who wanted to leave the country and is going to put several million in my account when he gets out.

The last bit is, thank God, made up, but the computer was getting so sick it could easily have done that while I was asleep in revenge for the years I’ve taken it for granted.

The poor old hard drive had been in distress and, although I noticed it, I ignored what I thought was technical hypochondria. When it froze, instead of offering help I simply swore, and I’ll never get it back now to say sorry.

I occasionally tried to help. Honest. I eventually called in the computer doctor and he diagnosed a loss of memory, so we gave the machine some new brains and it didn’t help. Then the physician said that perhaps it had a fever and was overheating. He operated and gave it a new fan, but still the sickness became worse, which worried me a lot as I’m writing a book and didn’t want the masterpiece to disappear. My wife reckons that the book must be so bad the computer committed suicide to escape the pain of carrying it in its insides. She may have a point.

Eventually, the patient died when its hard drive turned to mush and no matter how much I shook the machine or shouted, it was definitely dead. Not even a farewell message on the screen. We never got to say goodbye.

But There are two sides to everything.

Like Rod Stewart and his wives, I now have a new, zinging, young machine which is part miracle and part Dr Frankenstein as it’s made up of old and new parts. No plastic surgery here though, even if I did have to strip some wires.

To compound things, we were without telephone for three weeks and our broadband went AWOL for ten days too, so I have felt really cut off. But it has been a lesson to me. You don’t miss what you don’t have until it’s gone. NO ‘phone, no internet, no computer. I started to miss the cold calls selling me double glazing and payment protection solutions, I couldn’t access any spam emails allegedly from friends telling me they were stuck in France and asking for money to get them home, and no one could waste my time by adding me to Facebook pages supporting their knitwear shops or Scottish Independence.

Life was a bitch, but she was a bitch that kept on giving.

So, now I have a new machine and better broadband, and it means I can update my blog again and bore you with life at Coia Towers.

I told you there’s a downside to everything.